Fear.

In my dreams I always just leave.  I have a recurring dream of flying to Germany without a plan and just staying there.  Funny thing is, I always know that I have to come back.  The other night I left, but I knew I could only be gone for a couple of days because I was waiting for a call from a potential employer.

I wish I could actually do that.  When I think of just leaving, I have way too many things holding me back.  I think the biggest thing, though, is fear.  Living in Logan I know that if things don't work out (which they haven't been) I can just go back to my parent's house.  But if I actually moved far away from home I have no guarantee that things would work out.  What if I did move to Germany?  Would I be able to get a job?  Or a place to live?  Is my German good enough to even get me around?

Trouble is, I want to leave.  I know that eventually I'm going to have to make it on my own, so why wait?

I don't want to stay, but I can't leave.